It's a conspiracy. The DJs working for the man; the great machine in cohoots with capitalist aliens executing some diabolical plan to soften the populace en masse by incessantly playing the same godawful crap over and over again until our brains are tapioca...

And then, when we're pliant and docile, they sell us plastic vacuum cleaners that cut our hair.

I have seen the future and it's an entire generation of kids raised by MTV.

Who needs babysitters when you've got television, the perfect substitute for actual parenting?

"Pay attention to my kids? Good one! You're such a clown..."

At least the song's got them off my back for a bit... Was this ever fun?